she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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