I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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