I'm gonna have a badass scar
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
