The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
