Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
