i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
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