meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
