Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
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I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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