Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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