I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
