i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
my shit smells like andre
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
