ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize