Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
