if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
