I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
