I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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