In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
