Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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