it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
