YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
