Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
