you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
