I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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