He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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