I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
We were destined to go to rehab together
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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