I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
3pm strippers are depressing
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
