when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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