I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
