So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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