Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
