dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Too much gin, very little bucket
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
