So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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