She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
