just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
