She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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