That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
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The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
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I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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