You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
