I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
her vagine was all disorganized.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
you will always have a special place in my vag
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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