You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
