He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
