I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
