if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
