Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
