Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
