last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
