I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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