forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
