Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Where did you get a picture of my penis
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize