it's like heaven, but drunker
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
My liver just had a heart attack.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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