chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
