Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
