Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
