She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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