it wasn't lemon gatorade
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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