So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
