Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
