They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
