What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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