so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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