I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Can you repeat that, but with context?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
