My first STD was from a foam party
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
