nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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