Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
