I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
