It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
