and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
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Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
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Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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