I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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