I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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