goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
