Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
