Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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