I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
