it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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