i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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