Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Randomize
